Talking about Marriage in the Democratic Platform

This year, for the first time in history, the Democratic Party Platform will include language supporting marriage for gay couples, and policymakers across the party will undoubtedly be asked about their views of that plank. Based on our extensive research of how moderate Americans and others in the middle view this issue, we believe that there is a way to reach them on marriage. But for policymakers who are not yet ready to support marriage publicly, we also believe there are important lessons to heed from our research. This memo provides two sets of advice on marriage for gay couples—the first for those who would like to publicly support marriage, and the second for those who are not yet ready to do so.

The Democratic Platform Language

While the final platform language has not yet been released, news sources are reporting that the language approved by the Democratic Party’s Platform Committee will not change prior to the convention in early September. That language states:

“We support the right of all families to have equal respect, responsibilities, and protections under the law. We support marriage equality and support the movement to secure equal treatment under law for same-sex couples. We also support the freedom of churches and religious entities to decide how to administer marriage as a religious sacrament without government interference.”

“We oppose discriminatory federal and state constitutional amendments and other attempts to deny equal protection of the laws to committed same-sex couples who seek the same respect and responsibilities as other married couples. We support the full repeal of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and the passage of the Respect for Marriage Act.”

If you would like to publicly support marriage for gay couples

1. Emphasize that marriage is about making a lifetime commitment to one another, and gay couples want to marry for the same reason as any other couple, to make a public promise in front of their friends and family to take care of each other for the rest of their lives. That sentiment is the number one thing you need to convey in order to reach those in the middle
   
2. Don’t focus on words like “rights” and “benefits.” Marriage provides important legal protections for families, to be sure, but most Americans think marriage is about the responsibilities you are taking on—not the benefits you’ll be getting. Placing too much emphasis on “rights” implies that gay couples want to marry for a different reason than other couples and risks suggesting that gay couples are just trying to get more benefits, when in fact they are trying to take on the obligation of caring for their family for a lifetime
   
3. Give some illustrations of the protections denied to loving families by the Defense of Marriage Act, but frame them in terms of “protections” for those who are trying to support and care for their families, and do so only after laying the groundwork by talking about the lifetime commitment those couples have made (or are seeking to make) to each other in marriage
   
4. Avoid using terms like “gay marriage” or “same-sex marriage.” Gay couples simply want to join the existing institution of marriage. Using a modifier on the word “marriage” conveys a different message and implies that the kind of marriage gay couples are seeking is a different thing altogether. Using phrases like “marriage for gay couples” or “allowing gay couples to marry” better illustrates that gay couples are more similar to any other committed, loving couple than they are different from them.
   
5. Tell the story of your own journey. If your feelings have changed, talk about what altered your views. Most Americans feel we are on a journey on this issue, and they identify with others who talk about their own personal evolution. In fact, hearing someone who has changed their mind can even make those who are still conflicted feel more confident in their own progression and help to solidify their warming views
   
6. Talk about religious liberty protections. Many of the folks who oppose marriage for gay couples have religious liberty concerns. Remind them that no pastor or priest would ever be forced to marry a couple that they do not want to marry, and every state that has passed marriage for gay couples legislatively has included robust religious liberty protections in the text of that law
   

If you are not ready to support marriage for gay couples…

1. Make it clear that this issue should be up to the states. Many who don’t personally support marriage for gay couples don’t believe the federal government should be discarding its age-old rule that counsels respect for each state’s determination of who may marry and who may not in their own jurisdiction. If a state wants to allow gay couples to marry, the federal government should not reject that state’s decision and refuse to recognize those marriages.
   
2. Emphasize the importance of protections for committed, loving couples. In 60% of the states in our country, committed gay couples have no statewide protections whatsoever, and a majority of Americans live in a place where there are no such protections even at the city or county level. While some are still uncomfortable with marriage for gay couples, we have come to a national consensus that those couples should be able to take care of each other through some kind of legal recognition of their relationship. You can speak strongly and forcefully about the need for these protections for gay couples and their families even if you don’t support marriage for those couples.
   
3. Leave yourself room to grow. If your views are changing, talk about that evolution, even if you haven’t reached a place of support for marriage. Being honest about your journey is relatable and genuine, and since nearly everyone in the country has changed their views at least somewhat on this topic in the last 20 years, talking about your transformation puts you in good company. Finally, with the continuing rapid pace of change on this issue, communicating that your feelings are evolving makes it less likely that you’ll be locked into a statement you could deeply regret somewhere down the line.
   
4. Support the religious liberty protections, even if you can’t support a state’s decision to allow gay couples to marry. Every state that has passed marriage for gay couples legislatively has included robust protections for religious liberty. Whether or not you support marriage for gay couples, you can praise the dialogue from which those protections sprung and encourage those who have religious liberty concerns to continue to work constructively with marriage supporters to ensure that they are addressed.
   
5. Follow the Golden Rule, and show respect for those whose journey has taken them to a different place. Don’t question their motives or their values—just acknowledge that this is a difficult issue for many, and some who have wrestled with it have come to a different conclusion.
   
6. Acknowledge that the next generation may feel differently. Polls consistently show that Millennials support marriage for gay couples by wide margins. Even among those demographic groups that are less likely to support marriage (like conservatives or Evangelicals), young people within those groups are warming to it. Younger Americans often have a very different perspective on this issue, and we should admit that fact and avoid doing anything that would lock our country into a permanent decision that they would fundamentally reject down the road.